... but he does have the Jesus fish on a finger nail.

So, like, a real thing, this appeared on my finger nail on Thursday and today is gone. It was under the nail - couldn't scrub it off.

My google fu is not strong, so I can't find anything online to explain it.

Thus, obviously, I have decided it's a divine intervention. You may worship, if you wish.

Nah but yeah but nah .. anyone WTF it is?

Under the nail you say?
Probably some kind of hideous parasitic worm. There’s loads of em in the Chilterns on account of it being practically the third world. My guess is that it’s lodged in your lungs or chowing down on your liver right now

Mischievous person with a felt tip pen whilst you were asleep?

Phone the council they will help.

PS if you are the messiah can we all be your disciples?

Looks like a fish finger to me, wap it between a couple of slices of bread with your sauce of choice....

Looks a lot like black pen to me

Some kind of mind control worm, like in The Wrath Of Khan.

It's an alien parasite that enters the body from under your finger nail. From the time it disappears you have approximately 36 hours to live. Best get your last bivi in I'd say.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morgellons

(Obviously not really )

Well, thanks for the input. Surely one of you is an expert in this sorta stuff. No?

I actually rang my daughter at school to accuse her of messing with my head. She does that, mostly jumping out behind me to make me squeal in fright. She thinks its funny to scare her jumpy dad. Anyway she took the 5th and pointed out she was not in house when the thing appeared.

It really was under the nail. I hit it with a file and it made no difference.

So, again, unless anyone has a scientific explanation, I will be hitting up the Pope to agree it is a genuine miracle and tick off the first stage of my beatification. For my next miracle, I will get my OO Fatty's tyres up tubeless again as part of the rebuild.

Oh tell us how shall we **** off!