Q for parents- finding time to ride

[faustus]

I've got 2 boys, 1 and 3. It's been a tough and very busy year or so. Aside from mental health issues, it's also (understandably) meant that I've not been able to get out riding much let alone a camp out. I've done about 350 miles so far this year and would have liked to have done more. Be interested to know how anybody else with young ones coped/managed to ride, and if I just need to suck up not being able to ride much - even though it plays a key role in my overall wellbeing.

Does it require an understanding partner? Being more organised and 'booking' time to ride? I always ride from the door so it's not about needing lots of time away, it's also about dealing with the guilt that i'm putting pressure on others to do the caring.

Partly I just also need some other perspectives and for someone to say 'go easy on yourself' and assure me i'll get some time back...eventually! Ta.

[johnnystorm]

It is difficult not to feel like you're taking the piss. My mileage has tumbled over the last couple of years as I realised I was probably doing too much.

The best thing has been involving wee nipper. 1st on a Big Dummy and now on a kiddyback tandem. It's made local rides more fun as it's all new to little un! So I get to ride, do my bit and provide some free time for Mum.

The tandem has been a revelation, not only does having both of you pedal make things easier it just feels like a normal bike compared to the dummy that felt like an oil tanker in comparison.

[Lazarus]

1.Commute - its your only real chance for regular riding
2.Pick a day for a night ride with a mate AWAYS GO - we did Weds - he aos had kids same age.
3. One weekend ride every month - or one day if you are lucky .You have to give your partner the same -it a bonus if this happens its not a right.

You can try a trailer but they are proper hard work
you will get out with them,on bikes, as they age - well till teenage years if mine are anything to go by
IMHO the mountains are not going anywhere but your kids will grow up and ignore you so just enjoy the time

[faustus]

Yeah, I do enjoy riding with the little 'uns, currently on a Yepp mini and looking at what to do next when i need to carry both. Although the 3 year old is doing really well on his balance bike. But this is only ever a fairly small percentage of my riding, and I *need* alone time on the bike...

EDIT - the commute is out now as i'm working from home for the duration now, and with nursery drop offs it's a bit of a no-go anyway. I do try and find time at lunchtimes and evenings, but feel the time pressures - and pretty knackered by evening time. Good point about enjoying the time with them, and you're right that the mountains will always be there....they're just always tempting!

[Scud]

I struggle, i have a T1 diabetic daughter and my wife works in NHS so currently works 70-75 hour weeks (and is paid for 35..)

I am lucky though, that both are very understanding, and i have formed a group of 4-5 mates that we ride together, our wives and kids are friends too, so it means we ride every wednesday evening and usually a longer ride at weekends as it is a "set" thing, and we all help each other out if kids need collecting, or kids stay round each others houses for a few hours.

Having a set time to ride each week, means family are expecting it, and i make up for it, by cooking tea the rest of the evenings, but not taking the mickey time wise, by making sure often that we ride early at weekends, so are back in time to spend day with family etc.

It is a hard balance, but ultimately i am lucky that my wife realises that my cycling and sleeping in a hedge occasionally is also my hobby and my social life too, and that i get a bit grumpy if i don't get some fresh air having been at a desk all week.

[Lazarus]

dont feel guilty about needing me time when you have two young kids that age - its tiring and stressful and the busiest period of your life - but dont expect the time to train for HT550 and to have very weekend away with your mates either

The One day per week worked well for me as i always had that as an escape- it also made me ride in some serioulsy unpleasant weather as it was that or no off road riding that week.

EDIT: good point re weekend rides mine were always early [6 am starts] so back by dinner time - might have gone to the lakes 3 times a year not sure as it predates strava

[Boab]

I have been there and feel your frustration. My kids are now 16 and 14, so it's much less of an issue for me now.

I generally ride early morning, up at 05:30, out the house at 06:30, then back for work; it used to be 08:30, but as I don't have to drive into Cambridge any more I can stay out later. This morning I was up at 05:00 and out at 06:00, and as it was nice, stayed out a little longer. I do this three times a week, either Mon, Wed, Fri, or like this week Tue, Thur, Sat. The other days I deal with the kids, i.e. making sure they're out of bed and on the school bus, etc. It's basically kid ping pong, one day I look after them, the next my wife, repeat; but rather than having a lie in or doing yoga, I go out on my bike.

I have a pretty understanding wife, which helps. It also helps to make sure I do my fair share of chores, especially if I've been out all day on my bike.

[slarge]

Bike trailer could work, even better if your other half rides and it can become a family affair.
Commuting by bike - (works for my mental and physical health)
Run (instead of ride)
Look at any time you waste by driving (on your own) and see if you can replace by cycling.
Ride at times the kids are asleep?

No easy answers I'm afraid (my kids grew up a long time ago), but it isn't easy and flexibility (both ways) is important.

[Martin B]

I've got a 6yo and 1yo and understand what your going through. Definitely get a regular evening ride sorted each week.

In terms of trips, plan far in advance so you have something to look forward to. i give my other half a few months notice and organise the childcare arrangements for when i'm away. I also get a mate onboard for the trip and sometimes book accomodation for a night that way i'm extremely unlikely to bail last minute if the weather doesn't look great.

Also have a plan B just in case kids get ill but you could still go out for a local overnighter.

My 6yo is now joining me on overnighters, the mileage isn't huge (5-6 miles each way) and she loves being out doing something different. I also get my mate and his boy to join us as the 2 kids entertain each other.

[Richpips]

I used to take my daughter out in a trailer a lot before Tom came along. That meant I got out on my bike, and my wife had a break from me and my daughter.

When Tom came along I got a bigger trailer that would take them both.

As Tom got older and got into cycling, I always felt I was doing my bit with childcare. Including that time when we rode the Tour Divide.

[Scud]

I wish i could ride Tour Divide and get away with it as childcare Rich.. I have always stressed to my daughter the need for exercise, especially being diabetic, and on the rare occasion i can get her on a bike or even a walk, she enjoys it, but it is always a fight.

[Bearlegged]

As Tom got older and got into cycling, I always felt I was doing my bit with childcare. Including that time when we rode the Tour Divide.

Such selflessness is to be applauded!

[Bearlegged]

Pre-offspring, I tended towards long days on country lanes/audax style rides. Not wanting to be away for such long hours, I started going out MTBing at night with some friends*. I found the more intense style of riding was good for an hour or two rather than a full day. We made sure Mrs Landslide also got time to do the things that helped her unwind too.

*Ironically enough, these group rides have stopped since they started having kids...

[summittoppler]

Mine are teenagers now but I did find it difficult to get out back when they were little. My mrs is very understanding about how by being out on the bike 'clears my head'.
When my 3 lads were 3, 4 & 6, the 4 year old was diagnosed with Leukaemia so that made things tough but I still got to ride as it definitely cleared my head!
I feel guilty now though as my lads (now 14, 15 & 17) won't come out with me whether its for a ride or a camp but the offer is always there.
I think having time for yourself is great but it works both ways so if the Mrs wants time with the dirl mates then so be it. And don't forget the two of you need time together away from the kids too!

[benp1]

There's no easy answer to this, it's so specific to your own situation

I have three kids - 9, 8 and 2. Also work fairly long hours and have lots of hobbies that all take me away from home

Thankfully have a very understanding wife

I used to commute to work by bike and that helped a lot. I moved house and no longer do that. I try to ride twice a week, once with a local MTB club and another with a mate or on my own. Apart from bikepacking weekends, I generally ride in the evenings rather than weekends, I try to save those for family time

It's all a balance/compromise

[faustus]

Thanks for the responses so far. I shall start planning the TD right away

Sounds like I need to put a fixed time in weekly to make myself get out whatever the weather, i'm terrible for finding excuses when it's 7:30pm on a week night and there's a beer in the fridge and jobs to do.

I've got a Genesis Longitude in readiness for kid hauling and local trips, and eventually little overnighters locally. I want a double trailer but our side alley isn't quite wide enough so it creates storage problems, but i'd use it for some nursery runs as well as trips out.

I definitely make sure my partner gets time to do what she wants, so Yoga and meeting friends etc. And she's going for a weekend yoga retreat soon so I guess I'll have a night or two away in the bank!

[benp1]

I've tried most version of kids biking except a trail gator. Double trailer was ace. Have had seats in front and seats behind.

Current favourite is my Big Dummy, older two on the back and 2 year old in front. Can cruise around like that, it's great. Did the school drop off and school pick up on that today, just the two on the back, much quicker than walking!

Brompton with a milian pere/IT chair child seat is also amazing. Blooming expensive but has given me some wonderful memories and trips that wouldn't have been possible on a proper bike

[Al]

Don’t know what / where you work but could you commute on the bike? That’s how I’ve done most of my annual miles. Puts you in a more positive state of mind for work and is a good disconnect before you get home.

Other than that, when you get a chance set of when you’ve put them to bed (erm assuming there is another adult in the house!) ride a little into the night. Quick kip and up early to continue or head home.
Depending where you are could you meet the rest of the family the next day for a lift home? I’ve done lots of rides to the coast like this over a Friday night then let rest of family there.

[landel]

Similar here, two boys of 5yrs and 20 months. With one child I had a lot more time but the second made things a lot trickier. 2020 was a write off with everything else going on. Dot watching the HT550 has motivated me to try and get out a bit more and start training for a race again. I'd like to build up to something, having not done much over the last 18 months or so.

As others have said, I guess it's a bit of a balancing act with give and take. My wife is very good and encourages it but I'm conscious of being off for long periods of time. She goes for a walk most evenings while I mind the kids, then I head off on Friday evenings and Saturday mornings for a few hours. I probably need to make more use of the time when the kids are gone to bed, it's very easy to just camp on the couch with a cup of tea in front of the tv. I like the idea of a cargo bike of some sort too and maybe we could all go off for a spin. Good thread

[boxelder]

Don't feel guilty about leaving Mum with the kids - plenty of single parents out there coping full time. You need to get out. I know this is easy to say and I always feel guilty. I'm sure you can reciprocate and allow her time - if she doesn't take time off, that's not a reason for you not to - plan time to do stuff with them, that she likes.

[ScotRoutes]

I just accepted that my normal life would go on hold for a while as we brought up my daughter. In fact I think I knew right away that things had changed permanently.

2/3 years after she arrived I started Rangering in a local country park. That was the spark that got me into other things.

[BigdummySteve]

Like benp1 my solution was a Surly Bigdummy, I kitted mine out with the plug-in running boards and a stoker bar. I did trips with my son, one of the advantages of the dummy is you can carry enough gear to keep little ones happy, Chuck in that big comfy fleece onesie and other luxuries. That way it’s not an endurance test and mum has less worries.
It’s also a great experience for all of you.
Once you have the dummy you can selflessly volunteer for all kinds of errands, shopping and school runs etc, what a hero

[u02sgb]

It does get easier to get out as they get older. Mine are 6 and 8 now and we get to have good bike rides together sometimes, although low expectations are key!

When they were really young I found going early was good. 6am feed then out the door for 3-4 hours usually meant I was back for a lazy family morning in the house. It's really more about keeping the legs ticking over than major adventure.

If you can agree one day a month for a proper ride that'd be good but it really depends on your partner. I'd echo the "don't feel guilty" thing. You're looking after your own mental and physical health. Don't take the piss and it'll be good.

[ton]

2 kids here and 4 grandkids.
when my 2 were young i had a blackburn trailer for em and a couple of hamax seats. we used to take em to school and on social rides all the time. as they grew we bought a trailer bike which enabled us to take em offroad. we then bought a tandem from JD's in ilkley.
we went on a couple of tours with the tandem . me and the youngest on the tandem. the wife and my son on solo's. it was hard work at times, but we always made time to take em on the bikes.

i now take my 2 youngest grandkids out on my tourer with a wee ride fitted.

riding with kids on your bike is good training and fun. do it that way and you can then fit some riding in every day.

[faustus]

Thanks for all the responses, good to hear other perspectives and experiences.