Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Talk about anything.

Moderators: Bearbonesnorm, Taylor, Chew

User avatar
Alpinum
Posts: 2600
Joined: Thu Mar 06, 2014 5:38 pm

Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by Alpinum »

When making sure I was remembering my H bar experience correctly, I came across this;

"For long-distance off-road adventures. The Beyond+ ADV mixes massive 29-inch tyres, free-spinning gearing, and multiple riding positions courtesy of a backswept Jones H-bar. Rumbling inexorably over any terrain, its low-profile geometry creates standover for technical riding while also improving handling when ridden loaded. Based around a double-butted steel frame, our tapered BPC carbon fork cuts weight while boosting comfort and control. Sporting fixings for every imaginable carry-configuration, a Sram GX Eagle 2.0 drivetrain with a huge 10 - 52 T cassette and Magura Trail Sport brakes round-out an indestructible build."

I must admit I've read it about 4 times now and with every time it becomes even more funny :lol:

Can you beat these words with even better marketing talk? If you mind to share, post a quote on here. Thanks
User avatar
fatbikephil
Posts: 6511
Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2014 10:51 pm
Location: Fife
Contact:

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by fatbikephil »

Free spinning gearing. Sounds good to me; where do I pay? :lol:
"Indestructible" - now there's a challenge. Wonder if there is a qualifier in the warranty info....
User avatar
Bearbonesnorm
Posts: 23904
Joined: Sun Jun 05, 2011 8:53 pm
Location: my own little world

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by Bearbonesnorm »

Rumbling
Is that an included noise or will the rumbling be silent and more of a feeling - like when wheel bearings are on their way out?
May the bridges you burn light your way
jameso
Posts: 5035
Joined: Tue Nov 06, 2012 1:48 pm

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by jameso »

“The magnets float — they’re not stagnant, which helps with your connection to the bike. When protons and neutrons shake, entropy is created. Energy is built with every pedal stroke,” explained Payne as we stood in the northeast base area of Hartman Rocks.
*Splutter*"Whaat? F------ ooooff" I replied, then reached for my turn on the bong he'd been hogging.

https://gearjunkie.com/hustle-bike-labs ... dal-review - from the new gear due out thread not long ago. Classic. I made up part of the quote above though.
techno
Posts: 1611
Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2017 9:31 am
Location: Hull

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by techno »

LLS tourer you say (or maybe you didn't I forget)...…. https://www.enforcerbikes.com/product-p ... ycle-pubes
Image
User avatar
Alpinum
Posts: 2600
Joined: Thu Mar 06, 2014 5:38 pm

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by Alpinum »

jameso wrote: Fri Nov 27, 2020 6:43 pm
“The magnets float — they’re not stagnant, which helps with your connection to the bike. When protons and neutrons shake, entropy is created. Energy is built with every pedal stroke,” explained Payne as we stood in the northeast base area of Hartman Rocks.
*Splutter*"Whaat? F------ ooooff" I replied, then reached for my turn on the bong he'd been hogging.

https://gearjunkie.com/hustle-bike-labs ... dal-review - from the new gear due out thread not long ago. Classic. I made up part of the quote above though.
That was a wild one with the entropy :lol:
Made even better with your take on it :-bd
techno wrote: Fri Nov 27, 2020 9:15 pm LLS tourer you say (or maybe you didn't I forget)...…. https://www.enforcerbikes.com/product-p ... ycle-pubes
:lol:
Honestly... pfff... meh. Not at all LLS!
Next!
And... they're not as serious as L. Kokkonen:

"We have more experience in the design of bike geometry than any company out there [...]"

Wow... I must buy their, his, products!

Edit: ontop of the tab it even says "Best mountain bikes in the world"
techno
Posts: 1611
Joined: Sat Feb 25, 2017 9:31 am
Location: Hull

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by techno »

Alpinum wrote: Wed Dec 02, 2020 11:04 pm
techno wrote: Fri Nov 27, 2020 9:15 pm LLS tourer you say (or maybe you didn't I forget)...…. https://www.enforcerbikes.com/product-p ... ycle-pubes
:lol:
Honestly... pfff... meh. Not at all LLS!
Next!
And... they're not as serious as L. Kokkonen:

"We have more experience in the design of bike geometry than any company out there [...]"

Wow... I must buy their, his, products!

Edit: ontop of the tab it even says "Best mountain bikes in the world"
Yeah, they need to lighten up, goddamn suits taking all the fun out of cycling.
Image
User avatar
Alpinum
Posts: 2600
Joined: Thu Mar 06, 2014 5:38 pm

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by Alpinum »

"Extremely strong and durable, the Samaya ASSAUT2 8K will bring you up to the highest summits."

Lie down. Have a rest. Find deep sleep in the valley.

Next day, find yourself ontop of the highest summits.

Problem is the ascending rate. You die rather quick, when beeing transported from eg 1000 m up to 8850 m or a bit less, without acclimatisation or supplemental oxygen.

Samaya has many lawyers which deal with all the homicide charges. This explains the price of the tents.
jameso
Posts: 5035
Joined: Tue Nov 06, 2012 1:48 pm

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by jameso »

https://bikepacking.com/news/bearclaw-t ... tain-bike/
Image

Really did think this bike was a spoof when I saw a side-on pic on a white background, looked like a photoshop gravel joke.

But it's real - which will make a few people very happy. I'd love a go on it. It's so daft that it might, just might, be really great.

Forgot the 'marketing fun' bit. This bike uses Ultradistance Gravel Friendly Geometry. Which sounds Important. :-bd

(ha - took me 5 mins to get the name.. I like it even more now, the daft thing that it is)
User avatar
fatbikephil
Posts: 6511
Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2014 10:51 pm
Location: Fife
Contact:

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by fatbikephil »

"The Largest tyre Clearance on a Fat Bike Frame
From log and root covered ribbons of twisty singletrack to miles of powdery snow or sandy beaches, Ice Cream Truck can handle it all. Hell, you could probably even hop over a grizzly if the situation arises. Probably.

While we could certainly throw out terms like “confidence-inspiring” and “traction-laden” to describe Ice Cream Truck, those phrases are mostly bullshit, so we’re not going to do that. We’re not here to inspire you, and we didn’t laden it with anything. What we did do was design a monolith of a trail bike that doesn’t give two shits about what’s in front of it.

Long toptube, short seatstays, and a 68-degree headtube angle makes it tight and maneuverable on fast, technical terrain
Modern trail bike standards like stealth dropper post routing, 44mm headtube, and thru-axles
Clearance for a full 26” x 5” tyre on 100mm rims
Bike Capabilities
tyre CLEARANCE
SNOW AND SAND
SINGLETRACK
BIKEPACKING
NOTE: You can ride your bike wherever the hell you want, but this is what we think this bike is best at."

One of the reasons I like Surly's (and Ice Cream Trucks)
jameso
Posts: 5035
Joined: Tue Nov 06, 2012 1:48 pm

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by jameso »

Long toptube, short seatstays, and a 68-degree headtube angle makes it tight and maneuverable on fast, technical terrain
Short seatstays? Going to have to move that one over to the Geometry Playground :lol:

A "monolith" of a bike though, that's good.
User avatar
Alpinum
Posts: 2600
Joined: Thu Mar 06, 2014 5:38 pm

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by Alpinum »

htrider wrote: Thu Dec 03, 2020 7:04 pm One of the reasons I like Surly's (and Ice Cream Trucks)
Yep, use of language I too can relate to more then to that of most other brand.
jameso wrote: Thu Dec 03, 2020 7:45 pm Short seatstays? Going to have to move that one over to the Geometry Playground
:lol:

*looks up geo charts*

440 mm... gosh, that, I find, is indeed short for the size of tyres it can deal with.
"Clearance for a full 26” x 5” tyre on 100mm rims"

450 mm on my 5" capable frame. Dammit... I could've gone shorter!
User avatar
Alpinum
Posts: 2600
Joined: Thu Mar 06, 2014 5:38 pm

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by Alpinum »

jameso wrote: Thu Dec 03, 2020 4:11 pm Forgot the 'marketing fun' bit. This bike uses Ultradistance Gravel Friendly Geometry. Which sounds Important.
Ultra and friendly.
The 'ultra' others use and the 'friendly' I use go together well. The 'ultra' I use does not at all go well with '........'. My ultra has a negative, forcefull, agressive, dark, beast-ish connotation. If I'd write both in one sentence, the ultra would brutally destroy the ........ .
See. Gone. Another word lost to a brute.


Specialized Hotwalk:
"If we want to inspire the next generation of riders, kids deserve better bikes. That’s why we took the same tech behind our world championship-winning bikes and combined it with proportional design to build the ultimate balance bike."
Not too much wrong with those words but the bike itself... wow. They really pulled one off.
https://www.specialized.com/gb/en/hotwa ... 94021-0005

Reminds me of Yuval Harari in Sapiens, about how capitalism is a form of religion.
Here (not just where I live), a form of government too. Which I'm not sure has grown from my mind or been ingested when reading Sapiens.

And I choose carbon rims 2 - 3 x the price of good alloy rim for a different riding feel (and to shave off 100 - 150 g/wheel)
:oops:
User avatar
Alpinum
Posts: 2600
Joined: Thu Mar 06, 2014 5:38 pm

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by Alpinum »

3rd generation single wheel bicycle trailer Extrawheel MATE with DRIFTER bags 100L

The muscular Mustang has been a diamond in Ford’s stable for 55 years. Star Hollywood and the fulfillment of automotive dreams of millions of Americans. From today a Mate trailer will be a brilliant in the Extrawheel stable – a muscle car for cyclists. Mate looks really impressive. The trailer hooked to the bike Fat Bike makes the perfect whole and is the hallmark of the owner, arousing the esteem and respect of every road user. However, appearance and prestige are not everything. Performance is also the matter here. Desert, glacier, prairie or bush are the perfect elements for this team. Experienced bicycle travelers will appreciate this, the most professional equipment for the trip. Anyone can be a proud owner of a Mustang; you do not have to be an athlete – hence its strength and popularity. Extrawheel Mate will also prove great in this role – on short trips in the city or outside the city. You can easily connect it to a fat bike with electric drive. In this option, even a poorly athletic father can become the hero of the family, taking his wife and children to a bivouac. His bike with a packed trailer will definitely make a great impression on the neighbors and will additionally allow for reaching your destination without getting tired, enjoying the surprise for the children.

The Mustang legend was born in 1964. Who knows if the legend of Extrawheel Mate – the star of the wilderness and the king on the market of bicycle trailers – is not being born in 2019 …
The marketing BS is strong with this one.

 Now, if I get one to carry sub standard loads of water when I become stupid enough (again) to ride through the driest place of my nightmares, I'll be reminded of a bloody car.

Hmmm... what were they trying to sell? A car?
User avatar
fatbikephil
Posts: 6511
Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2014 10:51 pm
Location: Fife
Contact:

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by fatbikephil »

Comparing a bike trailer to an iconic '60's muscle car (or a '90's ned mobile) seems to be a leap of marketing faith well beyond the usual......

Here's Surlys attempt at a stupid marketing comparison a kramp with a mullet :???:
Breaking the Mold with a 29er Bike
As the first “plus” bike to hit the market, Krampus changed the way many people approach trail riding. It’s shown people the light of how high volume, large diameter tires can vastly improve the ride experience. It’s also done a bang-up job dispelling the myth that big tires make you slow.

Krampus is kind of like the opposite of a mullet: long in the front and short in the rear. With a long toptube and compact chainstays, it takes trail-shredding abilities to the next level. A mullet may be business in the front, party in the back but Krampus makes partying its business.

"Lean back, hang on, and ride that wild horse." -Thor

Modern trail standards: dropper post compatibility, 44mm headtube, Gnot-Boost rear spacing, thru-axles, suspension corrected fork
Compatibility with most mountain bike standards makes it the perfect parts bin bike (no rim brakes allowed though)
Clearance for 29" x 3" tires
User avatar
Alpinum
Posts: 2600
Joined: Thu Mar 06, 2014 5:38 pm

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by Alpinum »

htrider wrote: Fri Dec 04, 2020 8:56 pm Here's Surlys attempt at a stupid marketing comparison a kramp with a mullet
:lol:
Just why?

Another petrol head working in the marketing dept.
If you’ve ever seen an overlanding vehicle (you know, those trucks that look ready to cross the Sahara or the Arctic, rolling on burly rubber and with tools and supplies strapped all over the place), you might notice that they have a lot in common with our fat bikes. Both are solidly-built, have huge tires for negotiating any terrain, and can carry everything you need for days or weeks off the grid.

They’re also equally matched in the capability department. We’ve seen people do some amazing things with our fat bikes, from bikepacking through the Utah’s canyon country to bikerafting in New Zealand to completing the 1,000-mile Iditarod Trail Invitational. They’re truly adventure machines ready for any sort of overland journey you can come up with
Packrafting with 2.5 t car strapped to the front seems interesting. He said, equally matched. Not my fault.

Damnit... I was only looking for a new bar. Why did I end up there..? Ahh... yes, had a look at the new colours.
User avatar
Alpinum
Posts: 2600
Joined: Thu Mar 06, 2014 5:38 pm

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by Alpinum »

Okay, they're German.
But one could again think of petrol heads.
The development goal of the riser bar was to combine a geometry suitable for almost all seating positions and driving styles with the most comfortable and energy-saving flex possible.
pistonbroke
Posts: 2123
Joined: Wed Mar 21, 2012 9:39 am
Location: Southern Cataluña
Contact:

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by pistonbroke »

I assume they've literally translated fahren to drive rather than radfahren which is to ride a bike.
User avatar
fatbikephil
Posts: 6511
Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2014 10:51 pm
Location: Fife
Contact:

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by fatbikephil »

Alpinum wrote: Sat Dec 12, 2020 12:24 pm Okay, they're German.
But one could again think of petrol heads.
The development goal of the riser bar was to combine a geometry suitable for almost all seating positions and driving styles with the most comfortable and energy-saving flex possible.
Well one drunken night with friends discussing the weird shaped bar phenomena (as you do) I suggested a steering wheel as being the ultimate 'bar' for bikepacking with multiple hand positions for all eventualities and no sticky out bits to stab yourself with in a crash
User avatar
Alpinum
Posts: 2600
Joined: Thu Mar 06, 2014 5:38 pm

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by Alpinum »

pistonbroke wrote: Sat Dec 12, 2020 12:38 pm I assume they've literally translated fahren to drive rather than radfahren which is to ride a bike.
Indeed, happens often that German speaking folks use driving for riding a bike or skiing, snowboarding etc.
htrider wrote: Sat Dec 12, 2020 12:39 pm I suggested a steering wheel as being the ultimate 'bar' for bikepacking with multiple hand positions for all eventualities and no sticky out bits to stab yourself with in a crash
Seems the better way round than a 800 mm flatbar in a car.
lune ranger
Posts: 2380
Joined: Thu Dec 15, 2016 7:52 pm
Location: Peoples Republic of Devon

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by lune ranger »

A new carbon gravel bike....

According to Bianchi, the Arcadex “serves as the connection between the human spirit and the natural world beyond, enhancing every sense, from the crispness of colours to the feeling of friendship among companions”.

...... or mushroom brownies?
If you are going through hell, keep going.
WSC
User avatar
Bearlegged
Posts: 2292
Joined: Fri Jun 30, 2017 5:00 pm

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by Bearlegged »

I've seen a picture of it. It served as the connection between my optic nerve and my gag reflex.
User avatar
sean_iow
Posts: 4269
Joined: Tue Sep 30, 2014 12:08 pm
Location: Isle of Wight

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by sean_iow »

It's quite the looker :wink:

Image
Adventure without risk is Disneyland - Bikemonger
User avatar
johnnystorm
Posts: 3947
Joined: Wed Nov 21, 2012 9:55 pm
Location: Eastern (Anglia) Front

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by johnnystorm »

I'm very excited by the new Niner eGravel bike with its bespoke rack that has its own mini bag seemingly inspired by Bicycle Pubes mini frame bag.

Image
Image
User avatar
fatbikephil
Posts: 6511
Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2014 10:51 pm
Location: Fife
Contact:

Re: Marketing fun. Just how great is this bike/part?

Post by fatbikephil »

Landslide wrote: Wed Dec 16, 2020 10:23 am I've seen a picture of it. It served as the connection between my optic nerve and my gag reflex.
:lol: :lol:
Why is it the Italians seem to get styling either very right or very wrong....
Post Reply