So it's come to this ...

[TheBrownDog]

I just caught myself looking at reviews of steam mops. Steam mops. Mostly because I spent over an hour this morning cleaning the tiled floor in my kitchen and back room. An hour. With neat bleach. House smells like the Brisbane Centenary Pools back in the 1970s when the chlorine was so concentrated it make swimmers' hair go gold.

But I digress.

How does it get so dirty? I actually know .... two pets (the cat is lot worse than than dog) and two teenagers - my daughter's muddy riding boots clomping in, and then cleaning her tack over the back of two chairs. At least she does it.

And my son: he changed the transmission oil in his scooter in the back room last week. Despite taking precautions, it got messy. As things do. It was hosing down outside so I couldn't really say no and, anyway I had a drippy dirty bike on a repair stand in there at the same time, wrestling with derailleur travel screws.

We're a mucky lot, which makes me very happy, and I just do not have the character to clean much, especially with chemicals.

So I thought ... steam mop. I like the look of the Vileda for £60.

As you were.

[RIP]

... patio heaters..... driveway jetwashers.... leaf blowers..... nostril hair cutters.... a world gone mad .

[voodoo_simon]

Mop and bucket is fair easier in my experience, you know when you’re hoovering and the cord isn’t long enough? That but with the added annoyance of water/steam

Edit - sub standard, it’s come down to me giving steam mop opinions

[Bearlegged]

I've just cleaned two cassettes, and have started riding on a turbo. It's the end times...

[Bearbonesnorm]

We really are doomed. I cleaned the fridge out the other day and spent the remainder of the afternoon trying to think of a situation that might have accounted for me finding a pubic hair in there.

[Dave Barter]

I cleaned the windows of my elderly neighbours today as we’ve had a Sahara type cloud over.

Pam txted me later commenting that I should stick to IT work as my window cleaning is not up to scratch. lol

[RIP]

We really are doomed. I cleaned the fridge out the other day and spent the remainder of the afternoon trying to think of a situation that might have accounted for me finding a pubic hair in there.

Partial to LIDL cheesecake are we? https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/articl ... ecake.html

"Sorry, cheesecake's off..."

[BigdummySteve]

We really are doomed. I cleaned the fridge out the other day and spent the remainder of the afternoon trying to think of a situation that might have accounted for me finding a pubic hair in there.

Goldie lookin chain may have the answer....

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hM0Rd4BKshY

[RIP]

Anyroad Tim, you think steam mops are bad, I'm finding all this time is manifesting itself in lots of wierd ways. My latest Thing is trying to minimise the number of position and direction changes I make whilst getting my breakfast ready. I've refined it over a few days so far, and have reduced the changes considerably.

I start at the bread box, extracting my regulation two slices. Luckily the toaster is just to the right so in they go. A bit further on is the shelf with marmite, marmalade and honey so I grab those. A 360 degree rotation allows these to be deposited on the table behind me, and I hope we can agree that a rotation is not a position/location change.

At this point I pick up a bowl from the cupboard under the shelf and proceeding still rightwards I place it on the worktop. Above is porridge/sugar so down they come. Spoons are much further round so to remove two directional changes I shake them both into the bowl.

Leaving the bowl but picking up a teabag and mug we go further round past the sink dropping them next to the kettle. A recent refinement is putting water into the mug on the way past the sink so that it can go in the kettle. A side benefit of that is I only boil the exact amount of water, which I've been doing separately for a while anyway as part of my energy saving drive.

Kettle on, milk out of fridge next to it, knife and spoon out of drawer and deposit on table behind.

So we've not changed direction at all yet and all that remains is a return journey to fill the mug, cook the porridge and pick up the toast.

There's still a few tweaks needed to prevent a couple of final direction changes, and I haven't allowed for the situation where the bread bin is empty and I have to replenish with a few days worth of slices from the freezer, which, and I know you're ahead of me here, is, yes, over the other side by the kettle!

Stand by for next week's thrilling instalment of Lockdown Lunacy.

R

[RIP]

Well! Update: I've just related this to Mrs Perrin for the first time, and she thinks it's no laughing matter at all. Apparently she's been doing it for years, which is why I'm not allowed in the kitchen while she has her breakfast in case I spoil her system!! Spectrum, us? Nah.

She can't come up with a solution to the breadbin/freezer bread replenishment issue though despite her, now evident, vast experience in these matters.

[ScotRoutes]

Reg - this is my life.

Having worked out the best process, my wife ensures my brain is kept functioning by her regular re-shuffling of cupboard contents. This is particularly frustrating on those days immediately after each shuffle as I have to revisit the cupboards when I get it wrong.

[RIP]

I know you well enough by now Colin, from 500 miles away, that I suspected you'd be along shortly . We're all as bad as each other on Here y'know. Love the story about the missis swapping stuff round - cruel .

So Tim, I'm now getting really into this 'Lockdown Lunacy' thread that you've started - you've had a few stonkers recently I have to say, keep it up dude and you'll be rivalling Stu's - so I'm going to add a Bonus Ball. My birthday present from the hippopotamus was finished yesterday and here it is:




Completely pointless. But quite satisfying. Right, I'm off to hoover my bellybutton and pluck some ear hairs now.

[RIP]

Doh, I've just thought of another refinement to the kitchen game. You could limit the number of items that can be carried to, say, three. So you might have to temporarily abandon items at staging points around the circuit and collect them on a subsequent pass, whilst still minimising repositioning.

Sorry, I've gone all 'Cheery Friday Evening' and it's Monday morning.

This idea reminds me - klaxon sounds, nostalgia alert - of playing the original text-based computer Adventure game where you could only carry a certain number of items (treasures, light, water, 20g stoves, meths etc) and would have to leave things in temporary places, hoping that some dwarf or something wouldn't have lifted them before you managed to get back and collect them. Luckily I'm not aware of any dwarves living in our kitchen. Brilliant game - far better than all this Young Persons Video Games business of today. Acknowledged as the first 'interactive fiction' game, the precursor to them all.

In fact I still have the 1977 Fortran source code up in my loft - I wasted a fair bit of Uni time enhancing it when I should have been doing something less useful like writing compilers or investigating Turing machines or something - so I'm going to go and have a look at it now. So there's another Lockdown Timewaster. Cheers Tim .

[Cyclepeasant]

Congratulations RIP,
You have qualified for your City and Guilds time and motion study grade part 1!

[BigdummySteve]

Excellent work reg, the problem I can see is your actually increasing the amount of free time available, it’s a slippery slope. What you need is time wasting ideas like my obsessive bicycle maintenance etc

[FLV]

I start at the bread box, extracting my regulation two slices. Luckily the toaster is just to the right so in they go.

What is this madness you speak..!!

The toaster should obviously be on the left, 2 slices of regulation bread can easily be inserted with the left hand leaving the more dexterous right hand to begin the next task.

What you speak of here will bring about the end i tell you.

Unless you're left handed...in which case, as you were...

A bit further on is the shelf with marmite, marmalade and honey so I grab those.

My wife asked me the other day if i needed anything from the shop.. Marmite say I.
What she returned with is some inferior quality copy labelled as yeast extract...
Its all the same she says... oh is it says I, I'll have a go then...

Well, its not and now we're certainly doomed

[RIP]

.

[ScotRoutes]

Marmite peanut butter. It saves the time of opening both jars.

But yes, arranging things so that both hands can be operated at the same time is a good move.

[TheBrownDog]

My latest Thing is trying to minimise the number of position and direction changes I make whilst getting my breakfast ready.

Reg, mate, I've been doing this for years, and not just at breakfast. I can cook a spag bol with steamed beans and baby corn with, I reckon, just three directional changes, maybe four if I drop the pot of spaghetti into the sauce as I did last week. It's all about economy and efficiency but mostly pointless borderline OCD idiocy.

My latest lockdown lunacy is making the garden dog proof. Our terrier/spaniel/poodle cross used to get out every couple of weeks, but hasn't escaped for nearly two years. But I have it in my head that dogs can contract and spread COVID-19, so I am now obsessed with ensuring she never escapes again. I stand out there while she has a wee. I've put a chicken wire fence down the back in case, just in case, a part of the rear fence fails and she wiggles her way out.

Madness, I tell you.

[benp1]

Anyroad Tim, you think steam mops are bad, I'm finding all this time is manifesting itself in lots of wierd ways. My latest Thing is trying to minimise the number of position and direction changes I make whilst getting my breakfast ready. I've refined it over a few days so far, and have reduced the changes considerably.

I start at the bread box, extracting my regulation two slices. Luckily the toaster is just to the right so in they go. A bit further on is the shelf with marmite, marmalade and honey so I grab those. A 360 degree rotation allows these to be deposited on the table behind me, and I hope we can agree that a rotation is not a position/location change.

At this point I pick up a bowl from the cupboard under the shelf and proceeding still rightwards I place it on the worktop. Above is porridge/sugar so down they come. Spoons are much further round so to remove two directional changes I shake them both into the bowl.

Leaving the bowl but picking up a teabag and mug we go further round past the sink dropping them next to the kettle. A recent refinement is putting water into the mug on the way past the sink so that it can go in the kettle. A side benefit of that is I only boil the exact amount of water, which I've been doing separately for a while anyway as part of my energy saving drive.

Kettle on, milk out of fridge next to it, knife and spoon out of drawer and deposit on table behind.

So we've not changed direction at all yet and all that remains is a return journey to fill the mug, cook the porridge and pick up the toast.

There's still a few tweaks needed to prevent a couple of final direction changes, and I haven't allowed for the situation where the bread bin is empty and I have to replenish with a few days worth of slices from the freezer, which, and I know you're ahead of me here, is, yes, over the other side by the kettle!

Stand by for next week's thrilling instalment of Lockdown Lunacy.

R

Reg, you've had some corking posts in the past but this was one was a particular gem. Enjoyed it thoroughly

[TheBrownDog]

On the weekend, I managed to dig the millions tonnes of foetid stinking mess from my compost bin into a new veggie bed (or what will be a veggie bed) on the side of our garden.

Today, my son showed that the lockdown has really hit home.

Without argument, without compunction, and indeed with some enthusiasm, immediately when asked, he went outside, built an interesting trellis from bamboo sticks and zip ties, then planted a dozen plots of runners beans to grow up it .... a few weeks ago, the idea that he do something in the garden would have brought howls of complaint. May it continue.

[RIP]

^ He's got some ulterior motive wot he's not telling you. Can't imagine what it would be though.

Ta Ben, all good clean fun. "corking" - that's going to be Reg's Word Of The Day tomorrow. Just need a context now .

[benconnolli]

Since my garden bivi at the start of the month, I have kept the 8g stove outside. I use it for breakfast and instead of a kettle whenever I want a cuppa. I find that the limiting factor is starting time critical tasks as soon as possible, then filling in the rest of the prep from there.

[pistonbroke]

Without argument, without compunction, and indeed with some enthusiasm, immediately when asked, he went outside, built an interesting trellis from bamboo sticks and zip ties, then planted a dozen plots of runners beans

TBD, your son isn't called Jack by any chance? Have you recently lost a cow?

[TheBrownDog]

All this talk of beans and cows .... might make a stew tonight.